THE YEAR THAT CHANGED MY PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE…..
This feels deeply personal.
But, I hit send.
So here goes.
Yesterday I ran into an old friend {former colleague}.
I was at bloomies shopping for a birthday gift.
Of course I ended up buying shit for myself.
It was 50% + more off, one does not not shop for thyself in that moment.
Back to my friend.
The small talk turned into big talk.
What I refer to as more meaningful conversation than just "hey, how are you and "this weather sucks."
You actually care what the person has to say and you listen.
She'll probably read this.
She was the gift of grace to me during a rough time where I thought I landed my dream job but it turned out to be the job from hell.
BACK TO THE STORY.
When she asked how I'm doing, "I said I'm good."
I paused.
Then I said, "well, I'm much better now because pre-pandemic I had actually gone through one of the roughest years of my life."
I never really talked about it.
Not unless you are in my inner circle because my husband is a private person, which is why I don't talk about him often.
LAST YEAR...
"My husband went through a severe health crisis."
Honestly, it's made a pandemic and wearing face masks not such a big deal."
I don't mean that as an insult to anyone by the way, just keep reading
She said something along the lines of, " funny how those types of things put life into perspective."
I had never really, like really understood the meaning of that until last year.
Of course I've experienced loss in life.
But this was different.
It was my partner in crime, in the hospital, trying to survive.
EXACTLY A YEAR AGO TO THIS DAY.
The 4th of July, we were in the hospital.
James was recovering.
I was watching fireworks for a bit from the waiting room on 6th floor overlooking the hudson river.
He'd been in the hospital for over a week, but who was counting days?
They all seemed to merge into one.
I didn't even realize it was the 4th of July.
We had just been through hell and back.
He'd already been in the hospital in the Spring for nearly two weeks before this.
He was now recovering from a massive surgery and had just survived death, more than once.
I almost lost him in surgery (actually the doctor said, he did lose him) and miraculously saved his life.
Oh, and that same doctor that saved his life, lost his own life back in November 2019. {rest in peace angel}.
Then, I almost lost him again, due to complications amongst other things.
I'm crying thinking about it.
My anxiety shot out the roof.
Everything else in life just stopped.
Nothing else mattered.
It's like a PAUSE button was hit.
Then I was forced to be in the moment as best I could.
I had to ask for help with my mental health or I wasn't going to be able to leave my house {I'll share more about that another time}.
Anyway, to see your loved one in that way...weak, helpless, confused, sick, in pain...
It changes you.
It changed me.
I feel stronger for it.
My perspective on life changed because of it.
I am less likely to dwell on things that most do day in and day out.
Don't get me wrong, I still catch myself complaining about the weather {which I swear we're born with that complain button}.
But, I am very mindful and careful about complaining about most things.
And, to whom I'm complaining to.
Ok, I do still complain about doing the dishes.
But, that's also a "born with human b*tching button." in my opinion.
I had to remind myself about that recently.
It's so easy to start complaining about stupid things.
Isn't it?
So easy, to just complain.
But, no matter what there is also so much to be grateful for.
There is still something to "notice" every single day that might:
bring you peace of mind
put a smile on your face
take you away from a health crisis, loss, or whatever is going on in your life.
I AM GRATEFUL.
He is alive.
WE ARE NOW LIVING....
In a scary time.
Things are so unknown.
The world has changed as we know it.
You might be suffering right now and fearful of the future.
Someone close to you might be suffering right now.
Maybe you've been through hell and back and relate to what I've shared.
MY HOPE IS
Sharing this gives you or maybe changes your perspective.
Whatever that means to you.
Maybe it's a little reminder to b*tch less.
Maybe it's a reminder to love more.
Maybe it's a reminder to hang onto every single sweet and horrible moment because that's what makes life, life.
To embrace a sunset
The aroma of the flowers
The dew drops on grass just after it rains
A smile on someones face
The taste of cookies and cream ice cream {yum}
A random act of kindness from a stranger
Your 95 year old grandmother {yes, my nana is 95, or is it 96?}
A warm bed
A home to live in
Clothes to wear
Another day of life
Family
A job
It's your choice as to how you react to things.
You have control over that.
You.
I'd like to thank YOU for being here in this community.
Happy 4th of July, which to me means "LIFE."
XO JEN
p.s. Maybe save this for the future.
You can Read this when: